Dear Wanjira

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Oh, lads do you hear that name? Because it’s one of those that are backed by a personality so rare there’s a feel to them. How can anyone not love that name? It has a ring that resonates inside of me when you said it the first time.

Please don’t be creeped out. Stay with me now

“Oi, how do you know all this lakini?” you ask.

Then I go “I’ve been single so long I have radar when good vibe strikes me.” Wanjira, she of her father, known throughout her village and the ridges adjacent, how is it that a man such as I am worthy of you? I know that luck sometimes falls on lucky chaps but I never imagined one day it would be me. I say this Wanjira because you’re right up there in the list of incredible things to happen to me.

I am my mother’s son and I am an old fashioned guy. Probably after I almost (read definitely) gag on syllable two of my name trying to get your number, I will confidently ask you over to my place after we’ve just had our first coffee date. I hope you like coffee or tea. Even if we share a tub of Lyons Maid ice cream, will it matter? The second time will be at my place, probably a bedsitter if I’m lucky it will be a one-bedroomed house. I hope it won’t matter, after all, am I the star attraction of the evening or is the house? Okay, it’s good we have that out the way.

The place will have a decent colour palette, so that when I buy those 55bob yellow bulbs it will look like a Trattoria-style Italian restaurant, all paired with some low humming music you can barely discern at first.

Then I shall offer you a cocktail of sorts because, well umm… eer. I just can’t explain how it turns out the way it does but it gets the job done so it’ll just have to do. I promise it really isn’t that bad.

We’ll head to the couch and sit, the both of us upbeat as we make small chat over the sound of the music and the waft of food coming in ebbs and waves almost certainly tickling your senses. Then you’ll hear the music change for the first time and turn around to find me gone,the artwork on the walls or framed photos will distract you. Don’t be shy, stand and pick one up. I’m betting your eye will catch one of me in my younger days, no taller than a stool; cheeks chubby, eyes bubbly and drooling for the camera. I’ll the return and you’ll flash me that smile, expression changed as you ask if indeed it is I or a cousin of mine. I want to say in advance indeed it is I.

Holding a side of steaming chicken, or a plate of meanly well done fried rice and a kawaida trademarked thufu’d(souped) stew, we’ll then sit for our meal. Now wait a second, someone somewhere just rolled their eyes. I knew that would happen. Is it the food? I knew it would be the food. Wanjira if it isn’t up to par I promise to improve, I give you my word.

We’ll eat our meal with hearty laughs from jokes from the both of us. If you’re reading this Wanjira, I’m not saying you must be funny, but please at least be able to laugh at jokes. I know a lot of them, there are saved pages and bookmarks on my browser among other things. *gulp*

Help a guy out, okay?

After we’re done, I’ll stand and pick our dishes and you’ll offer to help after you’ve picked yours too so I don’t notice. Well played. We do the dishes slowly because of a reason neither of us remembers, also as I’m aware engaging in hearty discussions (sic) is healthy sometimes.

A final clink of the last plate will be heard signalling the end of our evening. A final squint is stolen from both of us, I hope. I don’t want to look too desperate lest I face rejection at the point of the jump. Please steal a glance Wanjira, only just. I’ll offer you a glass of wine, I promise. Kindu fancy, all out. I was taught a glass is good for cholesterol, so what do you think, wanna be part of #TeamHealthy?

*crickets*

Wanjira please laugh at my silly line. I have put in all my effort and the mathematical equation for ‘mwanaume ni effort’ is at optimum levels.

As you leave, we share a final wave in the street outside through a cab window. At that final glance, will you smile? The one that knocks the wind out of me even in the street?

Please smile Wanjira.

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