So I had this random thought…
Of what I was taking away from this turmoil after the breakup. After a lot of thinking it occurred to me that I am in no place to think that I have learnt anything from it that I will apply in my next relationship, whenever that will be.
Humour me just for a little bit. No two relationships you ever have will be the same. I say this because right after I got the news in some unconventional way, I was on the street and nearly stepped in the path of an oncoming car. When I got back to the office my heart was pounding so loud I could hear it in my ears, my breathing was so shallow I had to rell my boss I thought it was the dust that was affecting my sinuses.
I swore I’d never love again, I’d stay away from girls at all costs and that I’d remain chaste till kingdom come-biggest lie of the year.
It dawned on me that I spoke that way out of spite for the girl who broke my heart and at one point after this experience, everyone myself included swore the same thing. A few months down the line you meet someone new who makes your head spin everytime you talk to them and daydream in the middle of the day.
So all I take away are general lessons one being hurt is inevitable. Even in marriage you will experience hurt many times. When you do in a permanent union such as that, do you just quit and marry the next one and the next? You don’t; you keep at it till it works and if it doesn’t you will be at peace with yourself that you tried.
When you are hurt, give yourself time to grieve over your heart which is in a million pieces. Hug your knees in a corner of your room and let the tears flow without saying a word. Throw away their pillow and hug yours till you fall asleep to the shudders of your sobs. Eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch and supper. Rid yourself of all items that remind you of them.
Get them out of your system.
For when you have shed enough tears to draw a kilo of bodily salts from, you will be a new person, reborn in the ashes of that which wasn’t meant to be and you will feel nothing when you see that person again.
Another lesson is that you shouldn’t cling on someone if they don’t want you. Lord knows I did, and I admit that I didn’t want to accept that she’d moved on. Have a sense of self-worth that won’t be shaken by rejection from someone else. They don’t want you, they don’t want you it’s as simple as that.
Live for yourself. Love yourself. Be yourself.
Then again, it’s just a random thought.